Drowning
by expectoharryandhermione
Summary: The war is over...Harry finally has a chance to get some sleep. Ron and Hermione walk in to see how our hero is doing when things take an awkward turn for Ron.


Even though he hadn't slept for nearly two days now, Harry Potter still found it difficult to do so for a variety of reasons. The first being that even from up here in his dormitory in the Gryffindor Tower, he could still hear the celebrations down below in the Great Hall. Harry wondered if magical celebrations where somehow louder than muggle ones. He conjured a pair of earplugs and stuffed them in his ears. As he laid there in silence at last, he still found himself unable to sleep.

The second reason, he was unaccustomed to sleeping all alone. Since starting Hogwarts, Harry always had roommates that slept in the same dormitory as him. Even the past year while on the hunt for Horcruxes, he had shared a tent with Ron and Hermione, then a room with Ron and Dean at Shell Cottage. This explained why he always had trouble sleeping when he returned to Privet Drive during the summers. He thought that it had been due to his uneasiness of having to live with the Dursley family, but now he realized the true reason. At that moment Harry came to terms with the fact that despite being him, he would probably continue to learn things about himself for many years to come. It seemed to be one of the constants in his life.

As Harry thought about this, he sensed a shift in the room. Pulling out his earplugs, he lit the tip of his wand and as two figures walked in hand in hand. It was Ron and Hermione. Although he had grown accustomed to their quasi-relationship over the past year, now that it was official, he felt the same sense of loneliness that hit him when he awoke that morning so long ago in Grimmauld Place as their hands lay inches apart from each other in their sleep.

This bothered him, because he wanted to be happy for them, especially for Ron. Learning how deep his friend's feelings were for Hermione as they attempted to destroy the locket horcrux, had surprised him. He knew that Ron had a crush on her for some time now, but never knew the extent of his affection. Harry saw it as a sign of the emotional maturity that Hermione always accused Ron of lacking. Harry worried that he might be forgotten on the wayside by his two best friends, if a serious relationship was in the future for them. He did have Ginny, but somehow he didn't see a point anytime soon where he wouldn't crave the comfort that only these two could provide him, even if it was just having their presence around him. Especially after the past year's events.

He already knew there was so much that he would never be able to explain to Ginny or that she would not be able to fully understand. It wasn't a slight on her empathy or intelligence, it was simply the fact that she had not shared in the experience that the three of them had endured. Even Ron had not shared it all with him, due to the locket horcrux manipulating his emotions and thus causing him to abandon the mission, as well as Harry and Hermione.

Other than the loss of those who died in last nights battle, this was the worst part of the journey for Harry. These were the types of things Harry could never talk about with Ginny. He wondered if he would ever be able to even discuss them with Ron without making him feel guilty. Harry understood why he did it, but it still hurt. He knew that Hermione would be the only person he would ever be able to talk about all of it with, because she was the only one that was there with him the entire time. He had never openly acknowledge that to himself before and he believed that no matter what he did, there was no way he would ever be able to repay her for her unwavering loyalty to him. He could spend his whole life trying, but nothing would seem to equal the gift she had given him.

With all of the pressure of the past 7 years lifted and the realization of what remarkable friends he had, tears began to slowly fall down Harry's face. Ron who had only seen Harry cry once before, was frozen in his tracks with the sight of Harry's tears. Hermione simply walked to her friend, embraced him with a gentle, but firm hug. Suddenly, Harry grabbed on to her like a drowning man and then he broke. His body began to convulse as sobs escaped him. Hermione understanding that Harry was finally letting go of everything he had been holding inside of him, still was scared of seeing how completely he was unravelling. It tore everything up inside of her to see him like this and she joined him in crying. She too had to release. They had been holding all the fear, all the pain, all the stress in for far too long now. She clung to him as well and it was as if their hands and arms could not find enough of each other to grab in their desperation to keep from falling even further into their grief.

Ron continued to stand frozen, aghast at what he was witnessing. He felt like an outsider, watching an intimate moment. An almost indecent moment between his best friend and the girl he loved. It was the horcrux locket all over again. Even though they did not embrace in a passionate kiss this was almost worse, because of it's raw emotional power. There was no pretense, nor inhibition in the way that they clung to each other for dear life. For their sanity. He could not imagine either one of them being this open with him. To need him as much as they clearly needed each other at this moment. Right then he knew and admitted to himself that he had always known. She would never fully be his. Harry would always live in a part of her heart that Ron could not access. He would always be required to share her love, if he wanted her to love him more than a friend.

He should never have left. That damn locket changed things forever between the three of them. Ron may have made it out of this war alive, but he lost a part of himself along the way. He lost the way that Harry and Hermione saw him before. The dynamics shifted. Hermione would always drop everything for Harry before, but now it seemed that Harry finally realized who was the one person he could always count on. The one who would remain loyal no matter the odds. It was clear Harry would never take her for granted again and depended on her more than anyone else now.

It was all his fault. He left them alone on the run. Their bond was so deep now, that if they hadn't already fallen in love with each other, it would only be a matter of time. Ron realized he was still just watching. He didn't know if he should excuse himself, try to help comfort, or just quietly sneak out. It shouldn't be too hard, they seemed to have forgotten that he was still in the room.


End file.
